Wednesday, July 3, 2013

An Ode to the Unconscious

Like many (TASTEFUL) video game nerds, I buried an astonishing amount of time into "Deus Ex: Human Revolution."

The game is fantastic, but anyone can tell you that. I want to focus on a specific facet of the game and many stealth games before it: the dudes you knock unconscious. Honestly, there are few sensations in gaming that can top "hiding a bunch of unconscious and/or dead soldiers in air vents."

DX: HR does a great job of giving you an idea of the worlds you're infiltrating, but I couldn't help but think:

"Man, I'd love to see what happens when those conked-out dudes wake up."

Can you imagine the confusion one would feel when you're working your shitty patrol job (you know those guys are paid peanuts, or else they'd be way better at their jobs) and the next thing you know, you're knocked out cold - if you're lucky - and you probably have a concussion and/or broken bones to boot?

You'd be pretty miffed, too, if you had to deal with the latest Gravely Voiced Stealth Protagonist.

(C'mon Jensen, I'm a goddamned pencil-pusher.)

(You know Snake's breath must just smell like murder. Screen from this vid.)

You know, there really needs to be a mercenary union. Those guys are the invisible Seaus.

Anyway, a greater portal into these soldiers' lives would be fun.

Wouldn't it be a blast to see a little cutscene of some of these soliders regaining consciousness inside an air vent? What about an accountant coming back from vacation to find some random Special Ops sap coming to with a log of shit in his pants? A cleaning guy notices a strange smell in a closet and some dope comes tumbling out the instant he opens the door.

I'd feel especially bad for the garbage men who find all the bodies that Agent Who Gives a Fuck hides in the "Hitman" games.

(Knocking out the help? That's kind of fucked ... via Non Fiction Gaming)

If nothing else, it would be cool to get a little back story on these guards you're flawlessly/sloppily dismembering and/or concussing. Would you feel bad about breaking 'ol Steve the Unobservant Security Guard's neck if you realize that his kids are one missed mortgage payment away from being on the streets? Perhaps that AI you're casually sneaking beyond will get fired by that dick villain you're about to face. At minimum, you should find the occasional wallet that says Bad Motherfucker on it.

Aside: Come to think of it, it could even be fun to play as the soldier who just gets humiliated by some Super Spy. Think of it as "The Baxter" of video games.

One of the big gameplay components could involve running teenage skateboarders down in a mall parking lot while grappling with post-concussion syndrome. Next-gen!

Chances are, it would be funnier than Paul Blart and somehow not as dark as "Observe and Report" ...

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